20070420

Changes

Further to my last post today, which was getting kind of long, here is what is new and positive in my life. My little secret blogged about in my TT this week is at the end.

I said, get some income coming in by renting out our son's room. He will be staying away for the summer with his gf in the town he goes to college at. I gave him the contact to get information about how to advertise the room for rent to university coop students. He has done that. The student arrives April 28th for four months. We will try this out. If it works out well we will continue. I'm happy about this step forward.

He has a date for his back surgery, May 7th. Regular readers of my main blog know this. This is so good. It's a long recovery, but it's a step in the right direction. No more excuses after that. I feel hopeful about this.

I worry that the date may be rescheduled because the surgeon is also doctor for the Ottawa Senators and yay they just won the first round of playoffs last night! He said he set the surgery date, around the playoffs but what if they win the next round? Is it possible that the surgery may be bumped? I'm hanging on by a thread here people. How can something as small as this make such a significant impact on my life ... or so it feels.

I've asked him to look up the schedule and see what the possibilities are. This has not happened. I guess I need to do this myself.

I plan to take off some time when he is home from the hospital. Hopefully I can combine this with more house project tackling. Also, my daughter, who is studying to become a nurse, will be helpful to us during this period. I will try to coordinate schedules with her.

In an effort to try to control our costs more, I have been taking my lunch to work. It doesn't sound like a big deal but it is to me. I hate making my lunch. I am not a lazy person. Just about some things. I put so much into the other things I do, that doing something so boring as making my lunch is enough to throw me off the deep end. Yes, very weird. So, we have been buying the frozen lean cuisine or lasagne dinners. He finds them in the freezer and throws them into a bag with an apple and banana and that's my lunch. I appreciate this very much. It sounds stupid I know. Even having to dig through the freezer to find the dinners throws me off the deep end. Probably a result of so many years of built up resentment. Anyhoo, this works for us and makes me happy. Feel free to throw virtual rotten tomatoes now.

So the best thing, or I hope it will be, is that we are going to a marriage encounter this weekend. That is my little secret. I have been begging for him to do this for years now. This year was different. I didn't beg. I brought it up. He did not respond. A huge fight ensued and I said forget it. This marriage encounter is only for people with good marriages and we don't qualify. He said that he wanted to go. I said, well if really want to go then prove it by looking into it and arranging it. I'm not doing anything.

So he did. It's through our diocese. It seems to be really well run. There's no cost, only freewill contributions towards the cost at the end of the weekend where they share how much it costs them to put it on. People are expected to pay based on their own financial abilities. It's at a local inn starting tonight, Friday, to Sunday late afternoon. I hope it is good. I've heard good things about it. We could use something good. I will blog about it afterwards.

If you are inclined, please pray for us.

10 comments:

Goofy Girl said...

I hope that the weekend goes well for you and gyou guys are able to get out some issues.

Gattina said...

Men often have to be pushed in the water ! I experience this all the time. I hope you will have a wonderful weekend and enjoy yourself !!

Tug said...

Have a wonderful weekend ICL...this is a step in the right direction; I hope those steps keep coming for you. ((hugs))

Lene said...

Definitely a step in the right direction. Good for you for standing your ground and making him take a step.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

claudie said...

Have a wonderful weeck end! It takes me time to all understand but it seems to get in the good direction!
Gros bisous mon amie!

Carol said...

I think you are headed in the right direction, ICL. I know how difficult keeping a good marriage together can be. Best wishes and you know I'll be praying for you and your husband.

Stay strong!

Hugz!

Captain Lifecruiser said...

Actually we have some similarities here, you and me, but I separated from my ex-man at last. I told him so many times that there had to be a change and he didn't listen. It killed my love for him at last. I thought that is was disrespecful against me and my well being.

When I finally told him that I was going to leave him, the first thing he said was: "I've been so stupid. I haven't been listening to you". Nope, he hadn't. He was begging me to stay, he would change he said. Problem is: they seldom does and it was too late for me.

He too was a good man in many things and we were very good friends.

It was a very tough situation to deal with for me, but I had to leave him or I would have gone sick. I decided that I earned to have a happier life! Sometimes, we just have to think about ourselves instead of others if we want to survive.

Problem is, that certain persons don't seem to listen until you put them on the edge in front of cold blooded facts that you're gonna leave them.

Actually my ex said that I should have done this to him - said an ultimatum: if you don't change I'll leave you, but I disagree with him. I don't think that it shall be necessary to do that. If he really loved me, he would never have needed that ultimatum! That kind of persons take you a bit for granted.

The best way to keep a good marriage good, is to be able to talk with each other about everything without hard feelings. No holding back, no hard accusations and a strong will to change things and to make it work TOGETHER.

I very much believe in will power and LOVE!

So the big question that anyone should say to themselves are:

Do you love each other? Really love each other? (Not only as old friends!)

If not, I would separate. Finally, life have learned me that. I'd rather live alone than in a marriage without true love.

You don't want to waste your precious lifetime the way you live now. Neither of you.

I guess you already have tried to talk to him without hard accusations, about a solution of the problems.

Have you asked him what he thinks that you shall do since you can't carry the burden by your own any longer?

Oh, I know, it's a complicated situation and I do hope that you two get some help this weekend.

Probably he feel as bad as you over this situation, but don't know what to do about it! It's too easy to get stuck in an old behaviour and after all - he is only human :-)

Marriage is to support each other, but it does takes two to dance the tango ;-)

Good luck to you both, whatever the outcome may be - you both deserve to be happy.

*sending you good love vibes*

Bob-kat said...

All best wishes for a good weekend, I sincerely hope it helps.

It's weird but I take my lunch to work too and I loathe making it but it does save a small fortune (I worked it out once and it's the cost of a really god holiday which keeps me doing it).

Gattina said...

I didn't want to comment on this before you had your weekend together. I sincerely hope that it worked at least a bit, but now it's already wednesday and its v e r y unusual that you haven't posted since. The only thing I can say is that my husband is not interested AT ALL in my blogs and the work or time it involves. When I want to tell him something about what I have read he just changes subject. I sometimes have the impression that he is jealous that I have something to do and he doesn't so far. Just tell me that you are OK !

Captain Lifecruiser said...

I agree with Gattina, it's very unusual for you to not write, so I hope everything is OK.

How ever things go, I hope you remember that you have us to lean on, a lot of good blogging friends.

Take care.

((Hugs))