How it all began before that ...

So why is Pool Boy not contributing to the household income, much?

It goes back to the mid nineties. He was laid off from his job from a multi-national after a number of years of downsizing. He had been expecting it would come eventually and so was proactive about getting his real estate license ahead of time. He had tried to practice part-time when he was employed but that just wasn't practical, especially with a growing family to raise.

He put his license on hold until he was eventually laid off. Then he resurrected it and started practicing a bit, while also being at home quite a bit, raising our kids. We were going through a rough time with the teenage years, and felt it was best if he was around the homefront, especially since I had a busy high stress job.

This worked well, but we really did miss the additional income. He decided to pursue further education in the real estate field, which has kept him busy but really hasn't resulted in increased business.

Eventually, frustrated with the single income, I went after an even higher paying job and was successful. I felt this would compensate while he was developing and growing his business.

Since that time he seems to spend inordinate amounts of time on household things, paperwork etc. Not really the priorities that I want him to be working on. When he is working his business he is really successful. His clients love him and he has had lots of repeat business, but let's face it, you only get out of real estate what you put into it. I have asked him a number of times, would he prefer to work in full time employment or something else and he says no.

I feel I've been more than patient and supportive while he tries to find what he wants to do. Now he is battling severe back pain and is waiting for further tests that will likely lead to surgery, if we can ever get that scheduled. Yet more delays.

In the meantime he is a terrible money manager. Penny wise and pound foolish. He won't spend money on quality things, but will waste it in gas driving all over town to pick up this and that. He leaves TV's on in rooms with no one watching. I have spoken to him about these habits numerous times.

My resentment is building. I feel like a mother more than a wife. I don't want to have to nag. I'm feeling very overburdened with responsibility. My job continues to be challenging and stressful and while I love it, there have been times recently where I've felt too stressed and contemplated going on short term leave, however this would result in lower pay, something that we can't afford right now. It's expensive with two kids in college and a mortgage still to pay.

I charge my oldest daughter who is working full time, a small amount of rent, she's living at home still, but won't be too much longer. I've suggested to my husband that he look into renting out our son's room to generate extra income. It's the least he can do if he's not working to his full potential.

He's been wonderful in helping my Dad to sell his house and move etc. He's not a lazy person. Just misdirected. I really don't know how to wake him up anymore. I'm really worried about the impact this is having on our marriage. We've tried counselling but it hasn't really helped. The counsellor asked me (privately) if I felt taken advantage of and I said, yeah, I guess I do.

I just want him to do what he needs to do to shift the balance back to a more normal position so that I don't feel just like a caretaker. I want to get my mojo back and feel more like his partner and wife again, not his mother, caretaker, sugar mama, whatever.

So any words of wisdom to share with me internets? I'm all ears.